7 Awful Ways to Start a Conversation

Do you find yourself consistently having trouble getting a discussion going? It could be due to the awful way you’re starting it.

It’s not easy to strike up a conversation! Especially with an individual you don’t really know. Some people have a knack for it while others don’t fare as well. Just like you can fail at networking there are ways you can fail at starting a conversation, and here are seven things you should steer away from doing:

#1: Only asking yes or no questions

This won’t get you very far! There’s a difference between asking: “Are you having a good time?” vs. “What has happened recently that gave you a really good laugh?” Notice how the second one is more open-ended and should hopefully garner further discussion. Always make a point to ask good questions and demonstrate you’re being sincere and genuine.

#2: Getting too personal too quickly

Opening up with “So, are you married? Have any kids? Who did you vote for?” is not the way to go. Not only is it off-putting but these and other personal subjects are not always appropriate topics you want to broach when trying to make a connection and a good first impression.

#3: Being an “askhole”

We all know people who constantly ask for something—but never offer anything in return. They’re the ones who open up the conversation looking for favors but never take time to consider providing something of value to others. This is not what you want to be known for.

#4: Only focusing on yourself

It really isn’t all about you. If you’re constantly talking about yourself or only focusing on selling your products or services, this isn’t very fun for anyone involved—and you’ll find no one will want to spend time with you. Using a sales pitch to start a dialogue isn’t very effective especially if the person you’re speaking with has zero interest.

#5: Asking “What do you do for a living?”

According to a Gallup study 13% of people like their work most of the time, 63% tolerate and “sleepwalk” through it, and 24% hate it. There’s a large number of 87% who don’t like the thing they’re doing most of their waking life. So, keeping this in mind, questioning others about their job may elicit a negative emotion and response which adversely affects the tone and direction of the conversation from the beginning.

#6: Being a conversation bully

When you’re pushy or insulting or generally monopolize the discussion from the start it’s tough to engage with others. If you know the other person doesn’t share your perspective yet you try to “win them over” anyway, this will cause them to disengage from the conversation and have them looking for a quick way to end it before it even had a chance to go anywhere.

#7: Being a Debbie Downer

It’s hard to keep away from anyone talking about the coronavirus or our “new normal” or challenges we’ve experienced recently. While it’s healthy to have these discussions, it doesn’t have to be a main focus when unnecessary. No one wants to speak with those who suck the energy out of a conversation, and introducing an upbeat dialogue can really go a long way, especially during our current times.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you have said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Maya Angelou

Knowing how to open a conversation and also effectively end one at a networking event is a great tool to have in your relationship-building toolbox. While in-person gatherings may currently be limited, there are many still happening online, especially through Zoom; work meetings and virtual events are occurring as well as online networking and mastermind group meetings. During your participation in all of these, there will most likely be a time you need to initiate a dialogue with someone new.

But keep in mind conversation starters aren’t just for networking events—think of all the initial discussions you have with people you may not know well: maybe a colleague arranged a phone call for you to speak with someone from their networks who can help with a project, or you finally landed that job interview and have a video conference lined up with the hiring manager, or perhaps you reconnected and have a chat set up with an old friend.

Not everyone is a pro at successfully starting a conversation. You don’t want it to go awry from the beginning—and understanding the wrong way to do it will steer you in the right direction.

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