3 Steps to Improve the Quality of Your Networks

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Do you know someone who is an energy vampire? Or what about a Debbie Downer?

I’m sure you know a few. We all do. And if you don’t want to hang out with them that’s OK. In fact, I highly recommend that you don’t. Because they bring nothing but negativity into your life.

The most important commodity you have is your time. And if you’re not spending quality time on developing quality relationships, then you’re missing out on many opportunities.

Who do you interact with most? Do they challenge you in positive ways and help bring out your best? Or are they toxic and weigh you down?

You need to evaluate the people who make up your networks and say goodbye to those energy vampires and Debbie Downers. Here’s how to do it.

Step 1: Define the Company You Keep

The company you keep matters more than you think. And you need to periodically give your networks a good assessment and cleaning! With the start of spring this week it’s a great time to do it.

Evaluating relationships is like spring cleaning your closet. Think about it:

  • It’s something that needs to begin with a good foundation and be well designed;
  • To maintain it you should regularly assess what you have;
  • To keep it efficient you must depart with what you don’t need or want anymore.

What motivational speaker Jim Rohn said is so true: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

You need to surround yourself with influential individuals who offer value. Ideally, you should focus on forming mutually beneficial connections. If you consistently spend time with pessimistic people, it will have a negative impact. Not just on you, but everyone around you, too.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

Jim Rohn

So, the first step is to determine just who you’re spending the most time with.

Make a list. Write down the names of those you have close relationships with.

Consider the people in your spheres of influence you’re frequently in contact with and hang out with often. Then move on from there.

Step 2: Ask These Questions

Now take your list and review each person on it. Closely.

When cleaning out your closet you go through it shelf by shelf and article by article. Do the same with your contacts! And ask yourself these questions:

Is it still good for a while?

  • Does this person offer a positive influence in helping you attain success, and vice versa?
  • Are they optimistic and loyal and supportive of you accomplishing your objectives?

If so, then definitely hang onto it.

These are the people you find valuable and regard highly. They continuously make a significant impact, and you consider them part of your inner circle. And they feel the same about you.

“Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.”

The people you spend the most time with influence your behavior and decisions. As the proverb goes “show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.”

Make a point to identify your super-connectors. They’re the elite networkers who always make things happen. They quickly determine how they can be of value and make the ultimate connections between you and others.

You must realize the most important individuals in your networks and prioritize them. They’re most critical in helping you reach your goals. And you will aid in their success as well.

Spend time with them. Reach out to them often. And they will reciprocate.

Should it be tossed right away?

  • Is this person toxic and a hindrance to your success?
  • Do they complain about everything and offer nothing but negative feelings and consistently bring you down?

Doing away with dead weight isn’t necessarily easy. To begin you need to classify who these pessimistic people are.

“We can apply the general thinking tool called Bayesian Updating,” as discussed in “Bayes and Dead weight: Using Statistics to Eject the Dead weight From Your Life”.

Based on how much you’re willing – or not willing – to wager in a bet on whether a relationship will continue shows just how meaningful that connection is. “Using a rough Bayesian model in our heads, we’re forcing ourselves to quantify what ‘good’ is and what ‘bad’ is.” And this helps to identify these individuals in your networks.

Energy vampires are aptly called because they literally suck the life out of you. They consistently reduce the energy levels of those around them. They feed off of the negativity of others and are emotionally draining.

Debbie Downers always find a way to make you feel bad. They know how to quickly dampen the mood in the room and bring everyone around them down through their constant pessimism.

Everything about these individuals exhibits negativity. Don’t let them drain you!

It’s OK to say goodbye and part ways with relationships that weigh you down. Otherwise, they can potentially suck you right into it too.

And nothing good comes from that.

Make the necessary changes to ensure you’re surrounded by individuals you find to be the most inspirational and influential. It’s good for your health.

Should you hold onto it for a little longer, and see if it’s worthwhile?

  • Did this connection only recently grow closer and you’re only just discovering its value?
  • Would it be beneficial to give it a little more time and see how it progresses?

Maybe they’ve taken on a demanding job and their schedule just isn’t aligning with yours right now. Or perhaps they’re a new parent or simply have other current commitments.

What matters is that it’s someone you want to spend time with, but just don’t have the opportunity to do so at the moment. Overall, the positives must outweigh the negatives. If so, then it’s worth holding onto for now.

The quality of your close relationships endures over quantity. And it absolutely matters who you choose to surround yourself with.

The quality of your close relationships endures over quantity.

OK, so your friends may not necessarily like being compared to last season’s boots or an old pair of jeans. But it is a good idea to spend time cleaning out your networks.

As psychologist Laura Carstensen writes in A Long Bright Future: “Bad relationships may be more harmful than good relationships are beneficial.”

Step 3: Make it a Habit

You made your list. You reviewed and assessed your relationships. And said farewell to those energy vampires and Debbie Downers.

Now make it a habit to do it periodically.

As your networks grow you must review their evolution. And change it at times. Deciding to cut ties with someone isn’t necessarily an easy task. But if you want to cultivate healthy relationships you should spend less time with those who only offer pessimism.

Do it once a year, or once a quarter. As long as you do it.

We make the process easy for you! Just download our NetWorkWise Annual Audit. It guides you through the process step by step.

This tool helps you identify people in your networks who provide nothing but negativity, and those who should remain within your innermost circle of influence.

Or consider enrolling in our online certification course. We dive into evaluating your relationships even further and offer valuable tips, tools, and resources on creating world-class connections. Plus, you will earn credentials as a NetWorkWise Certified Professional (NWW-CP)!

Performing a regular assessment of the people in your life will improve the quality of your networks. And help bring out the best in you. Which leads you on the right path to success and reaching your goals. And now is a great time to do it!

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